Code to Zero (2000) Read online

  'Well, you bet Now you just take care, hear?' She hung up.

  'I've packed your stuff,' Billie said.

  'Thanks,' he said. He took his own black coat and hat from the closet and put them on. 'Now let's get out of here before the spooks come back.'

  They drove to an all-night diner near the FBI building, around the corner from-Chinatown, and ordered coffee. 'I wonder when the first flight to Huntsville leaves in the morning,' Luke said.

  'We need the Official Airline Guide,' Billie said.

  Luke looked around the diner. He saw a pair of cops eating doughnuts, four drunk students ordering hamburgers, and two underdressed women who might have been prostitutes. 'I don't think they'll keep it behind the counter here,' he said.

  'I bet Bern has one. It's the kind of thing writers like. They're always looking stuff up.'

  'He's probably asleep.'

  Billie stood up. 'Then I'll wake him. Got a dime?'

  'Sure.' Luke still had a pocket full of the change he had stolen yesterday.

  Billie went to the payphone beside the restrooms. Luke sipped his coffee, watching her. As she talked into the phone she smiled and tilted her head, being charming to someone she had woken up. She looked bewitching, and he ached with desire for her.

  She returned to the table and said: 'He's going to join us and bring the book.'

  Luke checked his watch. It was two a.m. I'll probably go straight to the airport from here. I hope there's an early flight'

  Billie frowned. 'Is there a deadline?'

  'There might be. I keep asking myself: What could have made me drop everything and rush to Washington? It has to be something to do with the rocket. And what could that be if not a threat to the launch?'

  'Sabotage?'

  Yes. And if I'm right, I have to prove it before ten-thirty tonight'

  'Do you want me to fly to Huntsville with you?'

  You have to take care of Larry.'

  'I can leave him with Bern.'

  Luke shook his head. 'I don't think so ... thanks.'

  'You always were an independent son of a gun.'

  'It's not that,' he said. He wanted her to understand. 'I'd love you to come with me. That's the trouble - I'd like it too much.'

  She reached across the plastic tabletop and took his hand. 'It's okay,' she said.

  'This is confusing, you know? I'm married to someone else, but I don't know how I feel about her. What's she like?'

  Billie shook her head. 'I can't talk to you about Elspeth. You have to rediscover her yourself.'

  'I guess so.'

  Billie brought his hand to her lips and kissed it softly.

  Luke swallowed. 'Did I always like you so much, or is this new?'

  'This is riot new.'

  'It seems we get on really well.'

  'No. We fight like hell. But we adore one another.'

  'You said we were lovers, once - in that hotel suite.' 'Stop it' 'Was it good?'

  She looked at him with tears in her eyes. 'The best' 'Then how come I'm not married to you?' She began to cry, soft sobs that shook her small frame. 'Because...' She wiped her face and took a deep breath, then started crying again.' At last she blurted out: 'You got so mad at me, you didn't speak to me for five years.'

  .

  1945

  Anthony's parents had a horse farm near Charlottesville, Virginia, a couple of hours from Washington. It was a big white timber-framed house with rambling wings that contained a dozen bedrooms. There were stables and tennis courts, a lake and a stream, paddocks and woodland. Anthony's mother had inherited it from her father, along with five million dollars.

  Luke arrived there on the Friday after Japan surrendered. Mrs. Carroll welcomed him at the door. She was a nervous blonde woman who looked as if she had once been very beautiful. She showed him to a small, spotlessly clean bedroom with a polished board floor and a high old-fashioned bed.

  He changed out of his uniform - he now held the rank of major - and put on a black cashmere sport coat and grey flannel pants. As he was tying his tie, Anthony looked in. 'Cocktails in the drawing room whenever you're ready/he said.

  'I'll be right there,' Luke said. 'Which room is Billie's?'

  A worried frown flickered across Anthony's face. 'The girls are in the other wing, I'm afraid,' he said.

  'The Admiral is old-fashioned about that sort of thing.' His rather had spent his life in the navy.

  'No problem,' Luke said with a shrug. He had spent the last three years moving around occupied Europe at night he would be able to find his lover's bedroom in, the dark.

  When he went downstairs at six o'clock he found all his old friends waiting. As well as Anthony and Billie, there were Elspeth, Bern, and Bern's girlfriend Peg. Luke had spent much of the war with Bern and Anthony, and every leave with Billie, but he -had not seen Elspeth or Peg since 1941.

  The Admiral handed him a martini and he took a satisfying gulp. This was a time to celebrate if ever there was one. The conversation was noisy and high-spirited. Anthony's mother looked oh with a vaguely pleased expression, and his father drank cocktails faster than anyone else.

  Luke studied them all over dinner, comparing them with the golden youths who had been so worried, four years ago, about being expelled from Harvard. Elspeth was painfully thin after three years on iron rations in wartime London: even her magnificent breasts seemed smaller. Peg, who had been a dowdy girl with a big heart, was now smartly, dressed, but her skillfully made-up face looked hardened and cynical. Bern at twenty-seven looked ten years older. This had been his second war. He had been wounded three times, and he had the gaunt face of a man who has known Coo much suffering, his own and other people's.

  Anthony had come through best He had seen some action, but had spent most of the war in Washington. His confidence, his optimism and his offbeat humour had survived intact Billie, too, seemed little changed. She had known hardship and bereavement in childhood, and perhaps that was why the war had not bruised her. She had spent two years undercover in Lisbon, and Luke knew though the others did not - that she had killed a man there, cutting his throat with silent efficiency in the yard behind the cafe where he had been about to sell secrets to the enemy. But she was still a small bundle of radiant energy, gay at one moment and fierce at the next, her constantly changing face a study that Luke never tired of.

  It was remarkably lucky that they were all still alive. Most such groups would have lost at least one friend. 'We should drink a toast,' he said, lifting his wine glass. 'To those who survived - and those who did not.'

  They all drank, then Bern said: 'I have another- To the men who broke the back of the Nazi war machine 'The Red Army.'

  They all drank again, but the Admiral looked displeased and said: 'I think that's enough toasts.'

  Bern's communism was still strong, but Luke felt sure he was no longer working for Moscow. They had made a deal, and Luke believed Bern had kept the bargain. Nevertheless, their relationship had never returned to its old warmth. Trusting someone was like holding a little water in your cupped hands - it was so easy to spill the water, and you could never get it back. Luke was sad every time he recalled the comradeship he and Bern had shared, but he felt helpless to regain it.

  Coffee was served in the drawing room. Luke handed the cups around. As he offered cream and sugar to Billie, she said in a low voice: 'East wing, second floor, last door on the left'

  'Cream?'

  She raised an eyebrow.

  He smothered a laugh and passed on.

  At ten-thirty the Admiral insisted the men move to the billiard room. Hard liquor and Cuban cigars were laid out on a sideboard. Luke refused more booze: he was looking forward to sliding between the sheets next to Billie's warm, eager body, and the last thing he wanted to do then was fall asleep.

  The Admiral poured himself a big tumbler of bourbon and took Luke to the far end of the room to show him his guns, standing in a locked display rack on the wall. Luke's family were not hunters, and guns
to him were for killing people, not animals, so he took no pleasure in them. He also felt strongly that guns and liquor made a bad combination. However, he feigned interest in order to be polite.

  'I know and respect your family, Luke,' the Admiral said as they examined an Enfield rifle. 'Your father is a very great man.'

  'Thank you,' Luke said. This sounded like the preamble to a rehearsed speech. His father had spent the war helping to run the Office of Price Administration, but the Admiral probably still thought of him as a banker.

  'You'll have to think of your family when you choose a wife, my boy,' the Admiral went on.

  Yes, sir, I will.' Luke wondered what was on the old man's mind.

  'Whoever becomes Mrs. Lucas will have a place waiting for her in the upper reaches of American society. You must pick a girl who can carry that off.'

  Luke began to see where this was going. Annoyed, he abruptly put the rifle back in the rack. 'I'll bear that in mind, Admiral,' he said, and he turned away.

  The Admiral put a hand on his arm, stopping him. 'Whatever you do, don't throw yourself away.'

  Luke glared at him. He was determined not to ask the Admiral what he was getting at He thought he knew the answer, and it would be better if it were not said.

  But the Admiral was determined. 'Don't get stuck with that little Jewess - she's not worthy of you.'

  Luke gritted his teeth. 'If you'll excuse me, this is something I'd rather discuss with my own father.'

  'But your father doesn't know about her, does he?'

  Luke flushed. The Admiral had scored a -point Luke and Billie had not met one another's parents.

  There had hardly been time. Their love affair had been conducted in snatched moments during a war. But that was not the only reason. Deep in Luke's heart a small, mean-spirited voice told him that a girl from a dirt-poor Jewish family was not his parents' idea of the right wife for their son. They would accept her, he felt sure - indeed, they would come to love her, for all the reasons he loved her. But at first they might be a little disappointed. Consequently, he was eager to introduce her to them in the right circumstances, on a relaxed occasion when they would have time to get to know her.

  The fact that there was a grain of truth in the Admiral's insinuation made Luke even angrier. With barely controlled aggression, he said: 'Forgive me if I warn you that these remarks are personally offensive to me.'

  The room went quiet, but Luke's veiled threat passed right over the head of the drunk Admiral. 'I understand that, son, but I've lived longer than you, and I know what I'm talking about'

  'Pardon me, you don't know the people involved.'

  .'Oh, but I think I may know more about the lady in question than you do.'

  Something in the Admiral's tone sounded a warning, but Luke was angry enough to ignore it. 'The hell you do,' he said with deliberate rudeness.

  Bern tried to intervene. 'Hey, guys, lighten up, will you? Let's shoot some pool.'

  But nothing could stop the Admiral now. He put his arm around Luke's shoulders. 'Look, son, I'm a man, I understand,' he said with an assumption of intimacy that Luke resented. 'So long as you don't take matters too seriously, there's no harm in pronging a little Curt, we've all-'

  He never finished the sentence. Luke turned towards him, put both hands on his chest, and shoved him away. The Admiral staggered back, arms flailing, and his glass of bourbon went flying through the air.

  He tried to regain Jus balance, failed, and sat down hard on the rug. Luke shouted at him: 'Now knock it off before I close your filthy mouth with my fist!'

  Anthony, white-faced, grabbed Luke's arm, saying: 'Luke, for Christ's sake, what do you think you're doing?'

  Bern stepped between them and the Mien Admiral. 'Calm down, both of you,' he said. '

  'The hell with calm,' Luke said. 'What kind of man invites you to his house then insults your girlfriend? It's about time someone taught the old fool a lesson in manners!'

  'She is a tart,' the Admiral said from his sitting position. 'I should know, goddam it His voice rose to a roar. 'I paid for her abortion!'

  Luke was stunned. 'Abortion?'

  'Hell, yes.' He struggled to his feet 'Anthony got her pregnant, and I paid a thousand dollars for her to get rid of the little bastard.' His mouth twisted in a spiteful grin of triumph. 'Now tell me I don't know what I'm talking about'

  'You're lying.'

  'Ask Anthony.'

  Luke looked at Anthony.

  Anthony shook his head. 'It wasn't my baby. I told my father it was, so that he'd give me the thousand dollars. But it was your baby, Luke.'

  Luke blushed to the roots of his hair. The drunk old Admiral had made a complete fool of him. He was the ignorant one. He thought he knew Billie, yet she had kept something as big as this a secret from him.

  He had fathered a child, and his girlfriend had had an abortion, and they knew about it but he did not. He was utterly humiliated.

  He stormed out of the room. He crossed the hall and burst into the drawing room. Only Anthony's mother was there: the girls must have gone to bed. Mrs. Carroll saw his face and said: 'Luke, my dear, is something wrong?' He ignored her and went out, slamming the door.

  He ran up the stairs and along the east wing. He found Billie's room and went in without knocking.

  She was lying naked on the bed, reading, her head resting on her hand, her curly dark hair falling forward like a breaking wave. For a moment, the sight of her took his breath away. Light from a bedside lamp painted a line of gold at the edge of her body, from her neat small shoulder, along her hip, and down one slender leg to her red toenail. But her beauty only made him angrier.

  She looked up at him with a happy smile, then her face darkened when she saw his expression.

  He yelled: 'Have you ever deceived me?'

  She sat upright, scared. 'No, never!'

  'That fucking admiral says he paid for you to have an abortion.'

  Her face paled. 'Oh, no,' she said.

  'Is it true?' Luke shouted. 'Answer me!'

  She nodded, began to cry, and buried her face in her hands.

  'So you did deceive me.'

  'I'm sorry,' she sobbed. 'I wanted to have your baby - wanted it with all my heart. But I couldn't talk to you. You were in France, and I didn't know if you were ever coming back. I had to decide all on my own.' She raised her voice. 'It was the worst time of my life!'

  Luke was dazed. 'I fathered a child,' he said.

  Her mood changed in a flash. 'Don't get maudlin,' she said scornfully. You weren't sentimental about your sperm when you fucked me, so don't start now -it's too damn late.'

  That stung him. 'You should have told me. Even if you couldn't reach me at the time, you should have told me at the first opportunity, the next time I came home on leave.'

  She sighed. 'Yes, I know. But Anthony thought I shouldn't tell anyone, and it's not difficult to persuade a girl to keep something like that a secret No one need ever have known, if not for Admiral goddamn Carroll.'

  Luke was maddened by the calm way she talked about her treachery, as if the only thing she had done wrong was to get caught, 'I can't live with this,' he said.

  Her voice went quiet 'What do you mean?'

  'After you've deceived me - and over something so important - how can I ever trust you again?'

  She looked anguished. 'You're going to tell me it's over.' He said nothing. She went on: 'I can tell, I know you too well. I'm right, aren't I?'

  'Yes.'

  She began to cry afresh. You idiot!' she said through the tears. You don't know anything, do you, despite the war.'

  'The war taught me that nothing counts as much as loyalty.'

  'Bullshit You still haven't learned that when humans are under pressure, we're all willing to lie.'

  'Even to people we love?'

  'We Be more to our loved ones, because we care about them so damn much. Why do you think we tell the truth to priests and shrinks and total strangers we meet on trains
? It's because we don't love them, so we don't care what they think.'

  She was infuriatingly plausible. But he despised such easy excuses. 'That's not my philosophy of life.'

  'Lucky you,' she said bitterly. 'You come from a happy home, you've never known bereavement or rejection, you have troops of friends. You had a hard war, but you weren't crippled or tortured, and you don't have enough imagination to be a coward. Nothing bad has ever happened to you. Sure, you don't tell lies -for the same reason Mrs. Carroll doesn't steal cans of soup.'

  She was incredible - she had convinced herself that he was in the wrong! It was impossible to talk to someone who could fool herself so thoroughly. Disgusted, he turned to leave. 'If that's how you think of me, you must be glad our relationship is over.'

  'No, Fm not glad.' Tears ran down her face. 'I love you, I've never loved another guy. I'm sorry I deceived you, but I'm not going to prostrate myself with guilt because I did a bad thing in a moment of crisis.'

  He did not want her to prostrate herself with guilt. He did not want her to do anything at all. He just wanted to get away from her and their friends and Admiral Carroll and this hateful house.

  Somewhere in the back of his mind, a small voice told him he was throwing away the most precious thing he had ever had, and warned that this conversation would cause him a regret so- bitter that it would bum in his soul for years. But he was too angry, too humiliated, and too painfully wounded to listen.

  He went to the door.

  'Don't leave,' she pleaded.

  'Go to hell,' he said, and he went out.

  .

  2.30 A. M.

  The new fuel and a larger fuel tank have boosted the Jupiter's thrust to a force of 83,000 pounds, and extended the burning time from 121 seconds to 155 seconds.

  'Anthony was a true friend to me then,' Billie said. 'I was desperate. A thousand dollars! There was nowhere I could find that kind of money. He got it from his father, and he took the blame. He was a mensch. That's why it's so hard to understand what he's doing now.'

  'I can't believe I gave you up,' Luke said. 'Didn't I understand what you'd been through?'

  'It wasn't all your fault,' Billie said wearily. 'I thought it was, at the time, but now I can see my own role in the whole mess.' She looked as if the telling of the story had exhausted her.